I found this on a tumbler site and after I almost died laughing decided to post it here the link and credit are at the bottom but since it is a tumbler site beware of adult content.
Posted in the mission room, next to the rules of mission conduct and the poster on how to throw a kunai, is this now-infamous list of rules:Things Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka Are Not Allowed to Do:1. Iruka is not allowed to enter Kakashi’s property for any reason. No matter how funny the result may be.2. ‘You didn’t clarify which Iruka’ is not an appropriate excuse. We all know who rule #1 referred to.3. Umino Iruka is not allowed to enter Hatake Kakashi’s property for any reason. Better? Now stay off his damn property before he chidori’s you.4. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to chidori Umino Iruka. We don’t care if we gave you the idea.5. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to do any lasting damage to Umino Iruka. You’re running up more hospital bills than the rest of the active nin on real missions combined.6. Same goes for Umino Iruka to Hatake Kakashi. If we have to treat you idiots one. More. Time…7. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tie up Hatake Kakashi.8. Umino Iruka is not allowed to duck tape Hatake Kakashi. This is the same thing as rule #7, and you know it.9. Umino Iruka is not allowed to incapacitate Hatake Kakashi in any way shape or form. We don’t care if he deserves it.10. If Umino Iruka does manage to get around rules #7-9, this does not give Hatake Kakashi permission to tell everyone that Umino Iruka is into ‘bondage’.11. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to interrupt Umino Iruka’s class.12. Umino Iruka is not allowed to burn Hatake Kakashi’s books to demonstrate why he should follow rule #11, as it generally results in panic and high-pitched screaming that doesn’t really befit a high-level nin such as Hatake Kakashi.13. Umino Iruka is not allowed to burn Hatake Kakashi’s book for any reason.14. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to trip Umino Iruka, as the resulting yelling is loud, and the threats he can think up on the spot are quite disturbing.15. Umino Iruka is not allowed to join Interrogation, no matter what Morino Ibiki says. We want to scare our captives, not traumatize them.16. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Umino Iruka that they’ve been ordered to get married and make little Hatake babies just to watch the shade his face turns.17. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to bet on his own bet about how red he can make Umino Iruka’s face. That’s cheating.18. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to make any bets on anything involving Umino Iruka. Ever.19. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Academy students that Hatake Kakashi’s hair is cotton candy.20. Umino Iruka is not allowed to set Academy students on Hatake Kakashi.21. Umino Iruka is not allowed to replace Hatake Kakashi’s clothes with Gai’s spandex. You shouldn’t be on his property in the first place-refer to rule #3.22. We don’t care if Gai approved of Kakashi’s wardrobe change.23. We don’t care if Gai offered to do it himself.24. If it involves Gai, we don’t care.25. Umino Iruka is not allowed to replace Hatake Kakashi’s shampoo with rainbow hair dye. Again, refer to rule #3.26. We don’t care if you got Anko to do it.27. No one is allowed to enter Hatake Kakashi’s property. He’s paranoid enough as it is without you idiots messing with him.28. Hatake Kakashi, we know you are not an idiot. We have your I.Q. results. Would you care to explain why you thought using the electric-based chidori in the water-filled hot springs was a good idea?29. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Academy students that they get automatic promotion to Jounin if they unmask Hatake Kakashi.30. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to throw Academy students at Umino Iruka.31. Even if they attacked and tried to demask you.32. ‘I was returning them’ is not an appropriate excuse.33. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Academy students that Umino Iruka is a missing nin in disguise. He has enough trouble controlling that class as it is.34. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Academy students that Hatake Kakashi is the ‘designated kunai target’.35. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Academy students that Umino Iruka is a demon lord trying to make them into a cult.36. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Academy students that Hatake Kakashi is helping out today, and the first person to find and tag him wins, as 30 pre-genin racing up to Kakashi and tagging him before giggling and running away greatly confuses him.37. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Academy students anything outside of the regular curriculum, and Hatake Kakashi is not to speak to Academy students. Period.38. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Hatake Kakashi that Icha Icha is banned. If he screams like that again, our ninja are going to go deaf. Are you trying to destroy the village?39. Umino Iruka is not allowed to bet Hatake Kakashi that he can shave with his kunai.40. If #39 does happen, Umino Iruka is not, under any circumstances, allowed to ‘help’. We don’t have enough blood stored up to keep Kakashi stable if something like that happens again.41. Umino Iruka is not allowed to bet Hatake Kakashi anything.42. The same goes for Hatake Kakashi to Umino Iruka.43. We’re all aware that we can’t stop your fighting. However, you are to refrain from doing it near important areas. We needed that building.44. ‘Marry Anko and produce prodigy babies’ is not an appropriate mission, Iruka. Kakashi, why the hell are you still getting missions from him anyway? Do you enjoy being pummeled?45. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to receive missions from Umino Iruka.46. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to set his ninken on Umino Iruka.47. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to ‘divorce’ his ninken because they like Iruka and refuse to attack him.48. Umino Iruka is not allowed to change Hatake Kakashi’s hitai-ate leaf symbol to the Icha Icha symbol.49. We don’t care if he likes it.50. Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka are not allowed to be teamed together on a mission.51. On second thought, Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka are not even allowed to be on missions where they might run into each other. Ever.52. Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka are banned from Suna together. Separately, however, is fine.53. The same applies to every other country, village, and city.54. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Shiranui Genma that Hatake Kakashi challenged him to man-whore competition. The village therapist, however, thanks you for all the wonderful business that particular competition landed him.55. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to mix Fire-ball Jutsu and exploding tags in his attempts to beat Umino Iruka. You two have destroyed enough of the village as it is.56. Umino Iruka. Hatake Kakashi. Explosives. Never again.57. Umino Iruka is not allowed to toss Hatake Kakashi off the Hokage Monument.58. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Maito Gai that Hatake Kakashi needs to have his ‘flames of youth’ lit. It took two hours to put out that fire.59. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to fake his own death on the mission room floor so that Umino Iruka’s ‘defenses will be lowered’. No one believed you anyway.60. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to fake his own death anywhere.61. Stop encouraging him, Iruka.62. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to replace the blunt weapons at the Academy with real ones. You’re lucky Iruka’s reflexes are as impressive as they are, or those would have taken his head off.63. We know it was your goal. We just don’t care.64. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to grope Umino Iruka. We’re not paying for your surgery next time.65. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Umino Iruka that, ‘if life is a highway, and you’re my life, does that mean I get to ride you all night long?’ This is fatal. You’re lucky we have the best medic in the five countries.66. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to use any pick-up lines on Umino Iruka. Ever. We are not reviving you next time, no matter how valuable you are to the village.67. Umino Iruka is not allowed to throw Hatake Kakashi out windows.68. Umino Iruka is not allowed to throw Hatake Kakashi off buildings.69. Umino Iruka is not allowed to kick Hatake Kakashi off buildings.70. Umino Iruka is not allowed to throw, kick, push, shove, trip, or in anyway forcefully remove Hatake Kakashi from a room, building, or structure.71. Umino Iruka is not allowed to glue Hatake Kakashi’s ass to the bridge.72. ‘So he’ll be on time for once’ is not an appropriate excuse. What is it with your excuses? They’re almost as bad as Kakashi’s.73. Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka are not allowed to have an excuse contest.74. We don’t care if the Jounin cheered you on.75. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Team Gai that they’re substitutes when Umino Iruka is in the hospital (because of you, we might add!). It took Iruka three weeks to get them back to normal. Those kids are our future, Hatake!76. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell people that Umino Iruka got his scar because he ‘likes it rough’.77. Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka are not allowed to consume alcohol again. Ever.78. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to dunk Umino Iruka in the lake on the Academy field trip. You shouldn’t have been anywhere near them anyway, Hatake!79. Umino Iruka is not allowed to shave Pakkun.80. Umino Iruka is not allowed to shave any of Hatake Kakashi’s ninken.81. Umino Iruka is not allowed to set Hatake Kakashi’s ninken on fire.82. Umino Iruka is not allowed to refer to Hatake Kakashi’s summons as his ‘pokemon’. They do not appreciate it. Do you not like summons, Iruka?83. Of course they bit you, Iruka. They’re dogs. They do not appreciate being shaved, set on fire, and called pokemon because you and their master have a feud.84. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to try and sell Umino Iruka to foreign nations.85. We don’t care if you won the last match, you don’t own him.86. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to mess with the coffee machine in the Academy staff room. If you are able to procreate after what Iruka did to you, he would also like to inform you that you’re banned from ever sending your children there.87. Umino Iruka is not allowed to reveal the ending of Icha Icha to Hatake Kakashi.88. Umino Iruka is not allowed to mess with anything involving Hatake Kakashi and his porn. We’re sick of hearing his screams; they’re highly disturbing.89. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to poke Umino Iruka. If he breaks your finger again, we’re not resetting it.90. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to throw water balloons at Umino Iruka.91. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Mitarashi Anko that Hatake Kakashi wants to marry her and make prodigy babies.92. We don’t care if she agreed.93. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell the ninja counsel that Hatake Kakashi and Mitarashi Anko should make prodigy babies. For some reason, they took you seriously. Hatake Kakashi does not appreciate this.94. Umino Iruka is not to mention Hatake Kakashi, Mitarashi Anko, and babies in the same sentence.95. Same goes for the word children.96. Or offspring.97. Or family.98. Umino Iruka is not allowed to mention Hatake Kakashi and Mitarashi Anko in the same sentence. Period. If Ibiki murders you in your sleep, Iruka, it’s not our fault.99. Missions are not suggestions, Hatake. Now get the hell out.100. Umino Iruka is not allowed to mix mind-numbing drugs into Hatake Kakashi’s soldier pills. He nearly died on that mission, Umino.101. We know that was your goal. We don’t care; don’t do it again.102. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell the Inuzuka’s that Hatake Kakashi is abusing his dogs. He needed those dogs on his mission. Maybe they would have been able to sniff out the drugs someone mixed with his soldier pills.103. ‘Making them kill people’ is not summon abuse, Iruka. That’s what they’re for.104. The SPCA agrees with us, so stop calling.105. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to replace Umino Iruka’s lesson plans with Icha Icha. Don’t come crying to us when he burns it again, Hatake.106. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to draw on his mission reports.107. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to turn in porn as a mission report. You two fight enough as it is, stop asking for it.108. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to tell Academy students that the wooden practice kunai are actually secret weapons made to destroy vampires.109. Especially after you tell them that Umino Iruka is a vampire. Actually, refer to rule #37; you shouldn’t be talking to pre-genin at all, Kakashi.110. Umino Iruka is not allowed to yell, ‘Pikachu, I choose you!’ when Hatake Kakashi uses his chidori against an enemy nin. This is distracting.111. Umino Iruka is not allowed to yell, ‘Pikachu, I choose you!’ when Hatake Kakashi uses his chidori, regardless of who he’s fighting.112. Umino Iruka is not allowed to call Hatake Kakashi ‘Pikachu’, period.113. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Hatake Kakashi he does not exist. As funny as this may be, it freaks him out, especially if you get others in on it so that no one responds or reacts to him.114. We don’t care if the Jounin were happy to participate. We have already established that all Jounin are crazy; you don’t need to give them ideas.115. Umino Iruka is not allowed to draw a weird sign on Hatake Kakashi’s shoulder while he’s sleeping and tell everyone its Orochimaru’s new curse seal.116. We can’t believe you believed him either, Kakashi.117. Umino Iruka is not allowed to tell Hatake Kakashi that he can super-charge his chidori by standing on a lightning conductor when it’s raining.118. Why do you keep believing him, Hatake?119. Umino Iruka, we know Kakashi’s IQ. Stop telling him his test came back negative. For some ungodly reason, he still seems to believe what you tell him.120. Hatake Kakashi is not allowed to believe anything Umino Iruka tells him.
this is amazing lmfao
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